You could easily say it was a case of divided loyalty.

I used to plan a few steps ahead for myself, maybe a little too far ahead, without realising that the first one or two steps I anticipated might not have happened. And its turning countless, the number of times such planning has backfired. So more often than not, I find myself taking some things for granted, which isn't good at all.

I managed to put on a hard impregnable front on most occasions.

So many times, things happened so badly I could have cried a few gallons of tears, yet my glands held them. There was the decapitation of my mind a few weeks ago, yet my brain managed to produce something to nullify it. How many times have I ruptured my heart on my own, or rather, take into consideration how many times my hearts been pierced by close ones. My emotions are so unstable Im turning deranged.

Cower away in fear, and melt in self-pity.

I must hold my own against all these, and Im seeking the consolation from my fellow friends, not. Yes I will hold my own, myself. The blog is a spot I temporarily release myself from inner stress and pressure, but never a tactical burea where I gain tons of sympathy, which will then add on to my wallowing on my self-pity, which will eventually tear me up. A self detotation move.

Plenitude

I used to have a sense of plenitude, now I dont. Shall I go after those who took it away from me? Am I supposed to have a vengence against them? Or should I actually demand elucidation from them?

Or do i ignore and try manage it on my own?

I will stand, somehow.

The pledge to not go crestfallen, and the promise I made to myself. The more enjoyable being would be one who do not care about whats happening to him/her, and just stay nonchalant. Yet the more fulfulling, though tad unbearable one is the one, in which obstacles stumble him, and he who seeks solutions.